10 Things to Skip at Magic Kingdom

I love Walt Disney World as much as the next person. Strike that, probably MORE than the next person. That said, you never have unlimited time on your vacation and there is no way you can do it all. You're going to have to skip a few things.

In future posts, I plan to break this down park by park, what to skip, and what you can't miss. To kick it all off, though, let's start with the grandaddy of all the parks, the original, the home of the magic, and the park with the most attractions... The Magic Kingdom.

10 Things to Skip (and what you could do instead)

10. Astro Orbiter

This ride is basically like Dumbo but faster and higher. You either won't be thrilled or you'll be scared to death. The only reason to ride it might be to get great shots of the park from up high but they'll all turn out blurry because of the motion.

Instead: If you must fly in circles, go on Dumbo

9. Tomorrowland Speedway

There have been recent rumors that this attraction is going away, but so far, it does not look like any have been confirmed. The Speedway is a go cart race track, but each car is on a track, so steering is not necessary. The worst part about the speedway is it is an eye-sore (and an ear-sore, and a nose-sore). That's right, it smells like gas fumes, is noisy, and takes up a huge amount of prime real estate in Tomorrowland. And the cars don't even go fast!

Instead: Ride the Tomorrowland Transit Authority. It's not real thrilling, but it's a nice ride with the wind in your hair and a chance to kick back. And it probably goes faster than the Speedway.

8. The Hall of Presidents

I'm going to get some hate for this, for sure. Not even because of politics, but because one of the animatronics here, Lincoln, actually rises from sitting to standing which was amazing for the technology at the time. Now, though, animatronics have come further and can walk down the streets of a park (like Lucky the dinosaur) and move fluidly. Without that novelty, the Hall of Presidents is a very long history program. It is at least in air conditioning, and is a good place to cool off and nap.

Instead: You should go to EPCOT and see the American Adventure. If you want to see the height of animatronic technology, ride Na'vi River Journey at the Animal Kingdom and see the shaman.

7. Walt Disney's Enchanted Tiki Room

Yes, it's another classic that I'm about to bash. But let's just say I gave it a chance, knowing it was a classic, and it's not worth it. It's a long program. Iago is annoying.

Instead: Ride the Jungle Cruise for another corny classic that is much better.

6. The Lunching Pad at Rockettower Plaza

If you would like a choice of either pulled pork sandwich or hot dog, then go here. It's not terrible, but the menu is not large and there is much better food to be had. In fact 50% of the entree offerings are handily dealt with by Casey's Corner (the hot dogs there are a million times better). Also, because of where the Lunching Pad is located, it tends to be very busy. And it's outdoors, so I hope you like eating your hot dog while you are also hot.

Instead: Go to Casey's Corner. Try to time it so you catch the Casey's Corner Pianist.

5. Main Street Confectionary/Bakery

Oh no she didn't! Oh yes, she did. She just slammed Main Street Bakery. Here's why - there are better treats to be had. I don't know exactly when the bakery stopped being the most awesome place to grab a snack on all of Main Street USA, but if I had to guess, it was probably when it basically became a Starbucks. It seems like a lot of the treats that used to be there have now been taken over by coffee-making equipment. Don't get me wrong - I love coffee. But you can go to Starbucks anytime.

Instead: Since this one is a shocker, I have two thoughts. In the same park, walk a little farther to Plaza Ice Cream parlor. Those sweet waffle-cone smells you are smelling are coming from there.

OR if you're dead set on candy, Sweet Spells at Disney Hollywood Studios is my official new favorite confectionary.

They have poison apples!

4. Stitch's Great Escape

When it was Alien Encounter, at least it was scary. Now, it's not even quite scary. It's just... kind of gross in a slobbering creature sort of way. If you really love Stitch, then it might be worth it. But for kids who really love Stitch, the whole thing might still be too intense. The chairs lock you down, there are loud noises and flashes, and it feels like an alien is moving around close to you.

Instead: There aren't a whole lot of rides like Stitch, but that's a good thing. For a little space-themed fun just around the corner, though, ride Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin.

3. Move It, Shake It... street party

This is like a little mini parade, but not a full parade. It draws big crowds, but is really only about 4 floats playing loud music.

Instead: If you want a parade, wait for the Festival of Fantasy Parade (aka -- the 3 o'clock parade). You'll have to stake out your spot, but it's worth it for the floats. Once. Better yet, try to get a dining reservation on the parade path.

2. Swiss Family Treehouse

It's a walk-through exhibit based on the Swiss Family Robinson. It's not that entertaining, really.

Instead: If you're looking to immerse yourself in a book, take a boat over to Tom Sawyer Island. It's not very crowded but it's bigger and there's lots to explore.

1. It's a Small World

For the love of all that is good, do not go into this darkness. Spooky dolls sing the same verses endlessly in a slow moving boat ride inside a giant warehouse of dioramas. I admit, I had to go on It's a Small World when I was a kid. And when I brought my child at both 4 years old and 10 years old, I had to allow her to ride it, though now, at 10, she realizes the dolls are in fact creepy. The things we sacrifice for our children. Like sanity, for example.

Instead: Do anything else. Anything.

OK fine, if you're dying for a dark ride that is similarly cute and slow, go on the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

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